Inside My Brain & Soul

Chapter 1 of being a Monastic ( Monk )

Hello Diary..

Long time i didn't write my story here.. the last topic i told about the day where i was preparing to fly to Taiwan Fo Guang Shan..

and now i am going to write down all my feeling, moment during at Taiwan Fo Guang Shan...

you know..maybe people won't believe me.. if i said i really do feel Buddha existence when at Fo Guang Shan ( FGS )

this time journey is a pure Journey and very Religious + Spiritual..

and this is the first time in my life..

This is about Short Term Monastery Retreat..

The event where i become a Monk ...

Cool Right?

is this shocked you or maybe make you touch?

in this modern era sure people will think this is as impossible one ..
in this monastery retreat..i know since the beginning is all about our own selves and how can we admit our weakness and dare to change our ignorance and stupidity ..

Below this is the Diary that i wrote during join the Short Monastery Retreat...

Me as a participant has a responsible to write diary everyday..so this is it, i am going to copy all in this blog..

because the paper that i wrote is going to be like " Kiam Chai " slowly ( Rubbish )

I wrote for 17 pages ..and it quite surprising because i am the only one who wrote the longer diary that time haha

Okay..This is my Story..

Chapter 1 - Why we can't accept ourselves?

at 4 July 2010 , The day to enter the monastery Life..

Me and my friends Hendry, Robin, Suryanto said good bye and separate with Venerable Light and other girl ( Julianna , Tiffany and Tiffanny Setiawan ) in front of the man dorm "great wisdom shrine 's gate"..

I thought we still can meet up after doing registration .. but who knows after we came in we can't come out anymore..( Oh noo )

it's like a dream..with very fast i am going to be a monk..i went to 2nd floor and at there my hair is going to be cut..

haha to be honest its quite hard to let go this hair..

but at that time i feel so stupid to think about this hair anymore..

I asked myself.." Why i feel hard to let go this hair?"

(aaa.. Appearance..)

Yes i am worried about my appearance..

the 2nd question is come out..

"What happened to my appearance?"

hmm Skinny, Tall, small head..( Oh NOOO.. if i am bald i will look like an ALIEN..)

and then this is the last question that slap my face badly..

" Am I an Alien? "

that time i know i was so stupid and weak.. for this long time i act like an alien..who come to this Earth and transform become a human..to steal some human BRAIN...

i was being controlled for this long time.. i am not accepting myself..blinded by a fame, arrogant and something unimportant.. Fool Fool Fool..

The moment where they cut my hair until the root..i was closed my eyes.. i said to myself..

" whatever Happen to me..this is me..The Real ME..I need to accept myself "

after cutting my hair.. i was being asked to enter the Main shrine inside the Dorm.. this time another Venerable is going to make sure my Hair is clean from hair..

I saw one bucket on every table..

I sat and my head need to see inside the Bucket which have a clean water inside..

all i can see is a shadow of shape of my head.." what a weird head "

it finished..and i need to change the water and washed my head..

water at my head and i touched something smooth and hard.. the cold in my head..

I met my friend Robin, he is washing his head..I only can see his new hair style.. but i can't see mine..i try to find any mirror to see mine but i couldn't find one..i only can see a shadow inside transparent window..

I looked at him and wait for his reaction when see this funny head..

" eh ! nothing happen Robin didn't laugh... and i said to myself

" aaaaa appearance again! how can i still concern about my appearance..so this is still haunted my self.."

after i finished everything..

i went to down floor and start to change my clothes ..

I worn Monk Shirt..

Say Good bye to accessories, so simple and Free size.. no body fit.

i do not care anymore..

I am a new person now..a person who can accept myself who will do big later..

After everything complete..and i really do transformed become Monk..the Supervisor asked us to buy some LOHAN SIE " a shoes that worn by Monk ".. to buy that shoes we need to walk out from the dorm..

I get out from the dorm..and you know what i feel?

The Sun shines at me.. (i think my head is so shining that time)

I walk and feel the air..

I feel like just wake up from my Lovely bed after sleeping for a very long long time..

I feel like i was get out from my bed room and meet with my family, friends, relative and so on..

i feel so simple..wearing so simple cloth.. no perfume..gel on my hair..just a smile on my face..

that is the first time i feel like no burden on my body.. i feel all attachment is out from my body..

Like when we wake up from our sleep walking everywhere without caring our outlook and what people think about our messy hair..

and at that time i realized

i care too much about what people think about myself..what people see about me..we try to be loved by everyone..want to be accepted..but the truth sometimes we didn't realize we are the one can't accept our ownself..

okay.. i woke up now..

what a precious lesson for me..

Thank you..

let's continue the 2nd chapter in monastery retreat Fo Guang Shan

TO BE CONTINUE...

Stay Strong

Rong Lee